Xenomanes in the customary garb of the Calloiers des Isles Hieres.

Xenomanes was born with a chip on his left shoulder. His mother was frightened by a frog when he was barely gestating. Then when he was a toddler his left arm was caught in a wringer washer. Most depictions of his exploits show him from his right side.

Xenomanes liked to say that his favorite song was “Froggie went a’courtin”. Froggie did ride. Got married under the simmons tree, according to the Doomsday Book. Xenomanes himself got married under a jack pine down in boggy hollow, as is written in first Ephesians, chapter eleven. Thought he was in seventh heaven.

Some versions end with a snake devouring the couple and wedding guests. Sometimes Frog gets away, but is later swallowed by a duck.

Xenomanes was the pilot of Pantagruel’s fleet in our fée king’s successful search for the Oracle of the Bottle. The royal household sailed from St-Malo in 1546, and returned three sheets to the wind. With that triumph under his belt, Xenomanes was granted a letter of marque to lead an expedition to perform the experiment proposed in The Third Book of the Deeds and Doings of the Noble Pantagruel.

Wrap an egg with pantagruelion carpasian asbestin and roast it an oven. According to Pantagruel, the egg will come out cooked and burnt, but the pantagruelion will be if anything cleaner and whiter than when put into the oven.

When Pantagruel proposed this experiment to his father, Gargantua approved, but decreed that for national security it be conducted in the udder reaches of Gondwanaland. Gargantua proclaimed that two thousand bricks of pantagruelion, and seven bricks of the best pantagruelion carpasian asbestin from Mylasea, be provided for the outfitting of the fleet. The syndics of Googleheim footed the bill in recompense for their subsidies during the battle of the loaves.