xenomanes as he might have looked
Xenomanes in the customary garb of the Calloiers des Isles Hieres.

Xenomanes was born with a chip on his left shoulder. His mother been frightened by a frog when he was barely gestating. When he was a toddler his left arm got caught in a wringer washer. Most depictions show him from his right side, although there is dispute on his handedness.

Xenomanes’ favorite song was “Froggie went a’courtin”. He did ride. Got hitched under the summons tree, according to the most recent version of the Doomsday Book. But himself says got married under a jack pine down in the bog of the hollow men, as is written in first Ephesians, chapter eleven. Some say a snake came to the party and devoured the couple and the wedding guests. Sometimes Frog gets away but is later swallowed by a duck.

Xenomanes was the hydrographer and cosmographer of Pantagruel’s fleet in in the renowned expedition of our fey king in search of Bacbuc, the Oracle of the Bottle. The royal household sailed from St-Malo in 1546, and returned more skunked than a Welshman, three sheets to the wind. In recognition of his services, the king granted Xenomanes a letter of marque to lead an expedition to perform the experiment proposed in The Third Book of the Deeds and Doings of the Noble Pantagruel.

The experiment consists of wrapping an egg with pantagruelion carpasian asbestin and roast it an oven. According to Pantagruel, citing Pliny, if I am not mistaken, the egg will come out cooked and burnt, but the pantagruelion will be cleaner and whiter than when put into the oven.

When Pantagruel put this experiment to his father, Gargantua approved, but for national security it had to be conducted in the udder reaches of Gondwanaland. Gargantua proclaimed that two thousand bricks of pantagruelion resin, and seven bricks of the best pantagruelion carpasian asbestin from Mylasea, be provided for the outfitting of the fleet. The syndics of Googleheim footed the bill in recompense for their subsidies during the battle of the loaves.