Phosphorus

Hennig Brand, (flourished 1670, Hamburg [Germany]), German chemist who, through his discovery of phosphorus, became the first known discoverer of an element.

A military officer and self-styled physician, Brand has often received the undeserved title “last of the alchemists” because of his continual search for the philosopher’s stone, which reputedly could change base metals into gold. About 1669 he isolated from urine a white, waxy material and named it phosphorus (“light bearer”), because it glowed in the dark. Although Brand kept his process a secret, phosphorus was discovered independently in 1680 by an English chemist, Robert Boyle.

Arabian alchemists of the 12th century may have isolated elemental phosphorus by accident, but the records are unclear. Phosphorus appears to have been discovered in 1669 by Hennig Brand, a German merchant whose hobby was alchemy. Brand allowed 50 buckets of urine to stand until they putrified and “bred worms.” He then boiled the urine down to a paste and heated it with sand, thereby distilling elemental phosphorus from the mixture. Brand reported his discovery in a letter to Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz, and, thereafter, demonstrations of this element and its ability to glow in the dark, or “phosphoresce,” excited public interest. Phosphorus, however, remained a chemical curiosity until about a century later when it proved to be a component of bones. Digestion of bones with nitric or sulfuric acid formed phosphoric acid, from which phosphorus could be distilled by heating with charcoal. In the late 1800s James Burgess Readman of Edinburgh developed an electric furnace method for producing the element from phosphate rock, which is essentially the method employed today.

Contributions to the elucidations of Philip Marlow

To further his experiments in miscegenation, Xenomanes traps a native female with his transistor radio.

Send me all the information and I’ll get right on the case, or my name’s not Rumpelstiltskin. Which of course it’s not. That leaves you two guesses. Spill the beans if you still got the guts.

Okay, here’s the beans once and forever. Even during limbo Solomon had more wives than one. One was my darling Clementine, who’s now gone forever. A casualty in the war of the Beans and the Franks over some Frankenstein pewter.

Poor white trash

Publicity photo of Suwanee courtesy of the United Arab Republicans

We will take this break in the action while the fleet lies in the doldrums to introduce some lesser members of the crew.

Suwanei Rivers started his life in a shed behind the adult movie studio in Montezuma, Colorado. Soon he was performing with feets of levitation that no one could endure. He built an orrery when he was 11 but nobody knew what it was. He sold out to Amazon for a billion dollars of undiluted stock and was thus able to pursue his enemies and pamper his friends.

He cashed in his gene bank and started again as a developing artist. This time around the levitation was taken more seriously. He made a handsome living at it until he was caught looking at girly pictures in the tidal flats of the Bay of Fundy. After spending 15 seasons at the South Pole for reasons that remain confidential he was seconded to the expedition, as I have directly from Panurge.

The starry messenger

The oui ours of the mourning, when the earthworms turn over in their groves
The oui ours of the mourning, when the earthworms turn over in their groves

The oui ours of the mourning, when the earthworms turn over in their groves. Tick. Grownless fears of cosmoonauts and seafarers. Tock. Quell her, ate il? Dick’s o’cock and all’s ‘swell.

Then one foggy hockey night, from the trouser trolls came the starry messenger. Jumpin jimnosperms! Snatched from the Jawsovass by yr mother’s tongue.

From the east three wiseguy anchormen rode the airwaves. Blest with inborn terrors of metabolism, stillbeans runt deep. Like true bit players they knocked at every dusty dormatory but never knuckled under. Their progress was filmed over world locations. (Thanks to the gallivanting man and galvanizing women who forged this diskomentary. Honorable cabinetmaker and his unter counterfitters.) Reel whorld, rewind again to the. The unelectable modality of the televisible. You can tell true norths by the swagger of their satellite dish.

Loose lip sync ship, admirable. Don’t make waves for the only snowplow in Hawaii. Mice eeny attic. Those salami days are hef a yearbook aweigh. Come the revoluption we’ll elute to a different drummer, yr insolvency.

Hault! Hoo ghosts there? Friend or photon? Mirage, blinded with jalousies. Why would a blind man don a shirt with callers? Bomblast and flustian be darned, it was out of one freudian pun or innuendo. Networks in the howls. Noble gas. Two headaches are better than onions. Maybe now I can get some sleeps. Bone a petit, Aquinas.

The moon is rosin, starstrummin. Zodiac is what we dodecadance to. The fairbooted fringe philosopher’s second rerun, loitering up Main Street, our fourth instar inveterate. Did ya gettys address, port? The bells I hear. What noose from the felt branches? The infidel castrato. Hoist the bastard to lynch. At the bay of pigs, when the crocketts got hoarse, we hung a second looie. O joyous day! Guillotine of character intoxication. He’ll die in vain to get life. We ooh it to ahselves as free radicles. When we had the chance, we shoulda clapped him in the clamor and thrown the book away. Away that kin be spoken of.

Come for a spin in the turin machin? That’s coit alriot. Ivy forgiven yew. Forgiven even yr good name. Thirty paces de resistance in one silver-tongued battery. Suspended sentences.

He looked over his shoulder to see the music box set afire by a very projective patter of young women into which he wanted to insert his twobits before the vending was over. The morel menangerer, that milkywayed saprophyte, is diene to release their bonds.

Suffocating spiritual babbage. Coupling chromodynamics and constant static. Wirds like old time on every branch and peeling. A whopping percentage are having sexual problems. Foreign hand worth two in bush. Can we have a bit tweet? Starborn and french bred. You got to be a football hero. Gnawing halfhearted she bit into bone. Alice doesn’t live in wonderland anymore. Guth to look up (a field of ups. Hummer and satchel) that article under lingere. But the librarians are stacked agin me.

The son is horizon. To the H-Bomb hideaway, where seldom is heard (quark!) a critical mass for the blasted trinity. Old Muddler Hubble’s mortal sin. Slap him silicon for missing mess. Cross yr bows.

And us? We’ve got more guts than Great Red Spots. Letus zenopause for refreshmen, ladies and paramedics. Metaphysics.

Off kilter, off danzen, oft blunder and gluons. Blame it on crooked politics. Would the nox gassed police state yr name?

Letter of Marque

Mort de Harris

A letter of marque and reprisal (French: lettre de marque; lettre de course) was a government license in the age of sail that authorized a private person, known as a privateer or corsair, to attack and capture vessels of a nation at war with the issuer.

Grotius’s 1604 work on international law, De Iure Praedae (Of The Law of Prize and Booty), was an advocate’s brief defending Dutch raids on Spanish and Portuguese shipping in Singapore.

Hugo Grotius  (1583 – 1645), also known as Huig de Groot or Hugo de Groot, was a Dutch jurist. He was imprisoned for his involvement in the intra-Calvinist disputes of the Dutch Republic, but escaped hidden in a chest of books shouldered by a dark-eyed houri.

Keep your eyes peeled for the assassins.

Xenomanes’ Chump

Zippy the chimp.

 

In 1913, notes, sketches, and photographs recorded by captain Beauregard Xenomanes during the tenure of his letter of marque from our beloved king Pantagruel were discovered in East Prussia. Xenomanes had served honourably as left lieutenant, asleep at the helm, on the voyage to the bottle

Xenomanes, captain and navigator, was accompanied by Panurge, an esteemed confidant of Pantagruel, though of lowly birth. Panurge’s genetic files had been leaked to the press in a textbook example of yellow journalism. A random sample  would prove his undoing. To keep him out of the picture, he was seconded to the expedition as jack of all trades.

When Panurge was asked to describe the recent royal wedding, he replied, “Fuckingham Phallus and Princesse Fill-up-Arena played lift her leg and poker until the hindmost was bedevilled.”

 

Entonnoir du Cul

Entonnoir du Cul was also known as La Babouche, according to Erotica Verba, page 456. What else do we know about him? Precious little, except through the relations of his women, who were big in his life.

Both the one he met at the afterparty for Norman Mailer’s Sodden in Kenora, and the one who played the Queen of Sheba’s lady-in-waiting for Andy Warhol, they couldn’t either of them say enough good about the good old boy, particularly in his primary role as a mammal. But, as you know, every animal has its failings. Plants do too. Please contact your system administrator if you cannot understand this sentence. And the executor of your will.