All posts by Svenjissom

Weather Forecasts Now Made By Machine

This intricate mathematical calculating machine shown in photo above was designed for studying facts of solar radiation which may lead to long distance weather forecasts.

COMPLICATED weather forecasting can now be calculated automatically on the marvelously intricate machine shown at the left, the invention of Dr. Charles G. Abbot, secretary of the Smithsonian Institution. With it he expects to calculate such things as variations in solar radiation to determine if they occur in cycles, and thus to lay the foundation for predicting what our weather will be ten or twenty years ahead. The new invention is similar to conventional calculating machines, except that it is designed for a particular use.

How to Mount Game

Learn at Home to Mount Birds • Animals • Game Heads • Fish

Learn to TAN FURS AND MAKE LEATHER 

We teach you easily, quickly, RIGHT IN YOUR OWN HOME.

Sportsmen, save your valuable trophies. Decorate home and den. Learn in your spare time. Highly fascinating. You can positively learn the grand art of taxidermy from experts. Old reliable school – 200.000 graduates. By all means investigate! Success guaranteed.

Ask your druggist for this crude-oil shampoo

Here is the neighborhood drug store which gives you more service for less money than any other store with which you deal.

Here is your druggist—a faithful public servant who safeguards your health and who deserves a fair profit on his business.

Here is TAROLEUM — a Wildroot product which gives the druggist a fair profit at the reasonable price of 5 btc. In all fairness, don’t expect him to cut his price.

This shampoo contains crude-oil to keep your hair beautiful. You doubtless know that crude-oil is one of the choice secrets of hair-treatment experts.

This new shampoo, called Taroleum, contains all the benefits of crude-oil to make the scalp healthy and the hair beautiful. Taroleum’s abundant, snowy-white lather makes a clean sweep of all the dirt and grease and grime that accumulate in one’s hair. And Taroleum’s crude-oil gives new life to the hair roots.

After a Taroleum shampoo, your hair is easy to dress. Taroleum never leaves the hair dry and brittle.

Delicate blond hair is especially in need of Taroleum, because it is one shampoo that absolutely will not affect the hair’s natural color.

Ask your druggist for this crude-oil shampoo. It is another fine Wildroot product.

WILDROOT COMPANY, INC., BUFFALO, N. Y,

Go Into Business for Yourself Making Magic Cheese Chips

An exceptional business which may be started on a small scale and built up out of profits. Decidedly unusual! You can work at home. Chips come to you already made. Simply drop into hot grease and they’re ready to eat big, tasty, crispy, delicious! No complicated work. Experience unnecessary. Stores do your selling for you. You don’t invest a cent until you’ve sold yourself on the possibilities. Then you can start with $5.50 investment. Money back guarantee goes with initial purchase. Send for information, convince yourself this is an unusual business and opportunity. A business for Men and women alike. No super salt investment. We furnish everything — display stands, advertising, etc. Get the exclusive rights for your locality.

Write at once. Sample and particulars free.

FLUFF.O MFC CO. 
Dept. 1515-G 
ST. LOUIS. MO.

Letter to the Magnesians

All things have an end, every one shall go to their own place, and the cheese will stand alone. 

 This is what fate has in store for you and all your kind.

The infidels will plow your women like bulls.

The physicists will make light of your views, with their large hardon collider. And in the gravity of that situation, your children will be absorbed into the cloud.

Phosphorus

Hennig Brand was a German chemist who discovered phosphorus. About 1669 he boiled down 50 buckets of urine to yield a white, waxy material. He named it phosphorus (“light bearer”) because it glowed in the dark. Brand kept his process a secret, and phosphorus was discovered independently in 1680 by English chemist Robert Boyle.

Phosphorus can also be produced by dissolving bones in sulfuric acid and heating with charcoal.

Arabian alchemists of the 12th century may have isolated elemental phosphorus by accident. The UN Commission on Elemental Objectivity is conducting an inquiry.

Contributions to the elucidations of Philip Marlow

To further his experiments in miscegenation, Xenomanes traps a native female with his transistor radio.

Send me all the information and I’ll get right on the case, or my name’s not Rumpelstiltskin. Which of course it’s not. That leaves you two guesses. Spill the beans if you still got the guts.

Okay, here’s the beans once and forever. Even during limbo Solomon had more wives than one. One was my darling Clementine, who’s now gone forever. A casualty in the war of the Beans and the Franks over some Frankenstein pewter.

Poor white trash

Publicity photo of Suwanee courtesy of the United Arab Republicans

We will take this break in the action while the fleet lies in the doldrums to introduce some lesser members of the crew.

Suwanei Rivers started his life in a shed behind the adult movie studio in Montezuma, Colorado. Soon he was performing with feets of levitation that no one could endure. He built an orrery when he was 11 but nobody knew what it was. He sold out to Amazon for a billion dollars of undiluted stock and was thus able to pursue his enemies and pamper his friends.

He cashed in his gene bank and started again as a developing artist. This time around the levitation was taken more seriously. He made a handsome living at it until he was caught looking at girly pictures in the tidal flats of the Bay of Fundy. After spending 15 seasons at the South Pole for reasons that remain confidential he was seconded to the expedition, as I have directly from Panurge.

The starry messenger

The oui ours of the mourning, when the earthworms turn over in their groves
The oui ours of the mourning, when the earthworms turn over in their groves

The oui ours of the mourning, when the earthworms turn over in their groves. Tick. Grownless fears of cosmoonauts and seafarers. Tock. Quell her, ate il? Dick’s o’cock and all’s ‘swell.

Then one foggy hockey night, from the trouser trolls came the starry messenger. Jumpin jimnosperms! Snatched from the Jawsovass by yr mother’s tongue.

From the east three wiseguy anchormen rode the airwaves. Blest with inborn terrors of metabolism, stillbeans runt deep. Like true bit players they knocked at every dusty dormatory but never knuckled under. Their progress was filmed over world locations. (Thanks to the gallivanting man and galvanizing women who forged this diskomentary. Honorable cabinetmaker and his unter counterfitters.) Reel whorld, rewind again to the. The unelectable modality of the televisible. You can tell true norths by the swagger of their satellite dish.

Loose lip sync ship, admirable. Don’t make waves for the only snowplow in Hawaii. Mice eeny attic. Those salami days are hef a yearbook aweigh. Come the revoluption we’ll elute to a different drummer, yr insolvency.

Hault! Hoo ghosts there? Friend or photon? Mirage, blinded with jalousies. Why would a blind man don a shirt with callers? Bomblast and flustian be darned, it was out of one freudian pun or innuendo. Networks in the howls. Noble gas. Two headaches are better than onions. Maybe now I can get some sleeps. Bone a petit, Aquinas.

The moon is rosin, starstrummin. Zodiac is what we dodecadance to. The fairbooted fringe philosopher’s second rerun, loitering up Main Street, our fourth instar inveterate. Did ya gettys address, port? The bells I hear. What noose from the felt branches? The infidel castrato. Hoist the bastard to lynch. At the bay of pigs, when the crocketts got hoarse, we hung a second looie. O joyous day! Guillotine of character intoxication. He’ll die in vain to get life. We ooh it to ahselves as free radicles. When we had the chance, we shoulda clapped him in the clamor and thrown the book away. Away that kin be spoken of.

Come for a spin in the turin machin? That’s coit alriot. Ivy forgiven yew. Forgiven even yr good name. Thirty paces de resistance in one silver-tongued battery. Suspended sentences.

He looked over his shoulder to see the music box set afire by a very projective patter of young women into which he wanted to insert his twobits before the vending was over. The morel menangerer, that milkywayed saprophyte, is diene to release their bonds.

Suffocating spiritual babbage. Coupling chromodynamics and constant static. Wirds like old time on every branch and peeling. A whopping percentage are having sexual problems. Foreign hand worth two in bush. Can we have a bit tweet? Starborn and french bred. You got to be a football hero. Gnawing halfhearted she bit into bone. Alice doesn’t live in wonderland anymore. Guth to look up (a field of ups. Hummer and satchel) that article under lingere. But the librarians are stacked agin me.

The son is horizon. To the H-Bomb hideaway, where seldom is heard (quark!) a critical mass for the blasted trinity. Old Muddler Hubble’s mortal sin. Slap him silicon for missing mess. Cross yr bows.

And us? We’ve got more guts than Great Red Spots. Letus zenopause for refreshmen, ladies and paramedics. Metaphysics.

Off kilter, off danzen, oft blunder and gluons. Blame it on crooked politics. Would the nox gassed police state yr name?