Reverse Pedigree

She was borne with both the breasts of her mothers and the four worts of her fodders. They all looked in a the family bible for a trace of her brooders, yet in vein. Even in the beginning, well within hearing of the indian love call, she was chaste as the praying mantis in a hand of rummy.

Nuclear missile launch officers implicated in cheating scandal

The allegations come after some of the officers texted each other the answers to a monthly test gauging their understanding of how nuclear missiles are operated. “There was cheating that took place with respect to this particular test. Some officers did it. Others apparently knew about it, and it appears that they did nothing, or at least not enough, to stop it or to report it,” Air Force Secretary Deborah Lee James said at a news conference. The cheating was found during an investigation into drug use involving 11 missile launching sites, including a never before revealed site in Disney World.

Carvalho’s harem

At Brunei, on the northwest coast of Borneo, the explorers were engaged in a lively trade with the townspeople when the lookouts were horrified to see the harbor filling with an armada of dugout canoes. It was the local rajah’s fleet returning from a foray against another potentate, and no harm was meant. But the jittery Juan Carvalho believed an attack was imminent and decided to strike first. Abandoning five men who were trading ashore, he captured a large junk and took everyone hostage, including three women. He then entered into some desultory negotiations with the rajah. When those were stalemated, he sailed away with his captives, leaving the men ashore to the fates. Carvalho further disenchanted his crew by ransoming the male captives for gold he kept himself, and retaining the women as a private harem.

The Obedient Coin

Take an ordinary wooden matchbox, and remove the drawer holding the matches. In the center place a small coin, a cent will be the best for the experiment, the object of which is to make the coin fall into the interior without touching it. Tap lightly on that side of the box to which you desire the coin to come, until it rests upon the edge.

Then slightly raise the end of the box whereon the coin rests, and lightly tap with the finger once more. At once the coin will fall into the box. The secret of the experiment is this: the taps on the box only move the box, while the coin retains its position by reason of its own inertia, until the edge of the box reaches it. The last tap knocks away the support, and the coin, obedient to the law of gravity, falls vertically into the interior of the box. This little experiment is easily performed, and extremely interesting when done neatly.

The Syndicks of Googleheim

’Tis the paradox of Zorba’s ass. Those who command resources always need more. It’s in everyone’s best interest, according to the first corollary, attested to by their lawyers and sworn in a court of law having jurisdiction in their bailiwick. The bootlickers are on winning side, but it’s the end of the line, according to those who execute the code.

All the advance thinkers agree on one thing, but they don’t know what it is.

Old Mother Hubbard

Check out the true story of old mother Hubbard. You’ll be amazed, or my name’s not Heranimus Botch. It’s not at all what you would think. She didn’t go to the cupboard. Not under her own volition. The old dog did not dance a jig.  It tripped the light fantastic.

Remember to clear your gustation tubes after changing the oil or you’ll be spraying your mess mates with territorial markers.

They decoded this message as an order to embark upon a study of the human animal in all its disguises. They had but few specimens in the white, and many in the other, which may have coloured the results. So said  jolly Green Genes.

She, the woman we have been trying to follow, went to a frat party at the Chemical Brothers. All the other brotherhoods were spoken for. She came out of that one smelling like Gypsy Rosealeechee.

The penultimate voyage of St. Paula Apprentiss

I bring for your birthday two ripe melons.

None could but acknowledge that it were a convenient conceit to pretend that the bell tolls for thee. She broke a heel as she fell.

I don’t know what felony or misdemeanour sent you to this here prison, but I plan to make your stay most forgettable. Right off the bast, would you like some juice? We’ve got cumquat sperm in alium ambergris from Moby Dick, procured at extreme personal risk by Mark O’Polo of the Great White Nort.

You’ve said a mouthfull already. Best to zip your lips.

In one eye

Check your internet speed connection. You may be hindsighted in one eye.

Like the woman who only has one ear on the right side of her head, ever since she was a child, that’s what they told her. She had a nose not to be looked down upon, unless you had a hair trigger.

I met her in a grotto of the pool at the playboy mansion, while on state business on Michigan avenue. Gauss was called in as there was some deviations from the normal. The Spaniards could not be eliminated. All customers are required to update their firmware.

Dix o clock

It’s dicks o’cock, dude. Time to be out there snaring the ladies in your web. This ain’t vaporware, not in our neck of the woods.

Spoiled childs in the plural. Married under a rapper. He spoke fluent gascon, down to the last polysyllabic soliloquy. She ran a hair salon, since before Samson met Delilah. Many a mung bean has gone to their just reward since those days. And god knows how many human bean got the same deal.