Irrelevant concatenations discovered between the Hokey Pokey and the Holy Smoky

Fiend without a Face
Fiend without a Face

Although the city of Jerusalem was relatively secure under Christian control, the rest of Outremer was not. Bandits and marauding highwaymen preyed upon pilgrims, who were routinely slaughtered, sometimes by the hundreds, as they attempted to make the journey from the coastline at Jaffa through to the interior of the Holy Land.

Another major benefit came in 1139, when Pope Innocent II’s papal bull Omne Datum Optimum exempted the order from obedience to local laws. This ruling meant that the Templars could pass freely through all borders, were not required to pay any taxes, and were exempt from all authority except that of the pope.

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Clusterfuck Nation

They came across a land lacking discipline and decorum, lost in raptures of grandiose techno-narcissism, broadcasting its twerked-up gangsta fantasies while it sucks finished goods from other lands in exchange for janky bonded debt. The people were sinking into a swamp of sexual excess, sexual preoccupation, sexual confusion, sexual recrimination, and sexual remorse. The one thing that none of the combatants can agree on is what might pass for sexual normality. The very notion would be taken for a war-cry.

Henry Blackstone lost to the heathens

Chandler Henry Blackstone, known to his compatriots as Freddy Barbarossa, was the crowned king of magicians. He  controlled spooks in he night, and was burned at the cross by a sinister crew of bandits, lashed by stout hempen cables.

That his last words were “Get that camel off my back” is a groundless assertion.

Blackstone’s father served the King in the capacity of sub-altern twice removed, and his son Grant inherited that position.

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10 things to do before your random number generator crashes

Make sure she can't recant, said Spacehawk

All the twitter is all about all the rash of reports of random number generators crashing — in at least one case setting a woman’s hair on fire, during her passage through the rites of border security. She was positively identified by process of elimination, and by a tooth found in the ashes. We reached a robot at Homeland Incorporated who says that the incident is still under investigation, but that, knock on wood and thank the good lord, no government personnel were harmed during the filming.

Could it happen to you? The odds are not in your favor. When it happens to you, will you be ready?

Here’s the low down on upping your chances of living out this bug until the next core update:

  • Jump-start the diesel generator in accordance with the least square law.
  • Top up all superfluids in the rear end of the cosmic ray scintillator.
  • Throw salt over your shoulder when you sneeze at the table.