In 1913, notes, sketches, and photographs recorded by captain Beauregard Xenomanes during the tenure of his letter of marque from our beloved king Pantagruel were discovered in East Prussia. Xenomanes had served honourably as left lieutenant, asleep at the helm, on the voyage to the bottle

Xenomanes, captain and navigator, was accompanied by Panurge, an esteemed confidant of Pantagruel, though of lowly birth. Panurge’s genetic files had been leaked to the press in a textbook example of yellow journalism. A random sample  would prove his undoing. To keep him out of the picture, he was seconded to the expedition as jack of all trades.

When Panurge was asked to describe the recent royal wedding, he replied, “Fuckingham Phallus and Princesse Fill-up-Arena played lift her leg and poker until the hindmost was bedevilled.”